Imagine arriving at your friend’s milestone birthday party, maybe even offering a toast to her years well-lived, before discovering that you are, in fact, at her wedding instead. Maybe her father lifts a glass and makes the announcement, or perhaps there’s a shift in the music that indicates something is happening, or maybe a drape is swept open to reveal an aisle and altar. It’s a moment you will never forget.
When it comes to weddings, guests are often informed of the event date months in advance. Save-the-date cards ask friends and family to make note their calendars. Parents weigh in on plans, the wedding party shares opinions, and, often, the planning process becomes a joint effort.
However, there’s a growing trend where couples invite their friends and family to join them for an event — perhaps a holiday party, engagement dinner, or birthday celebration — before revealing at some point during the gathering that it is actually their wedding. These surprise-loving couples work together with their wedding planners to produce a celebration that is uniquely their own, fully aligning with their own vision and preferences.
While surprise weddings create especially memorable moments for couples and their guests alike, a spontaneous event like this isn’t for everyone. Read on for insights and guidance from expert wedding planners who have produced successful surprise weddings.
photographer: Chris Bailey Photography | planner: Ann Whittington Events | florals: Plants n’ Petals | venue: Royal Oaks Country Club
Friends and family arrived expecting an engagement party and were delighted when the event turned into the actual wedding — a surprise planned and produced by Ann Whittington Events — and they were ushered into the floral-laden ceremony. SEE MORE PHOTOS
A surprise wedding might be right for you if…
You have a short planning time
Ann Whittington, Owner of Ann Whittington Events, shares, “Surprise weddings work well when there is a short lead time — so less chance of someone finding out.” She also notes that “it’s not for everyone,” but the couple that she planned a suprise wedding for “did not want parties before the wedding or a long engagement!”
Your guest count and venue lend themselves to the concept
Rachel De Marte, Planner with Rachel De Marte Events, says that when considering whether or not to have a surprise wedding, there are “many important factors from guest count to the scope of wedding, as well as the couple’s history and desire to have the surprise factor.”
She asks, “What’s fueling the surprise? What does the guest count look like? The desired venue? What’s the ease of setting the stage for said surprise? It needs to make sense on a number of levels, and working through these questions will ensure the right decision.” At PartySlate, we always recommend working with an experienced wedding planner on these types of decisions.
You have a “must-go” event that guests will attend
Jessica Boskoff, Founder + CEO of Neon River Weddings, says, “Surprise weddings are not for everyone. It definitely does add that layer of secrecy (and potentially stress!), but if the couple is up for the challenge or just wants a fun way to combine another occasion — like a birthday, big bash, or holiday where guests would gather without question — then this could be an option to consider.”
You are okay with some loved ones not being present
Whittington says, “You have to be okay with the possibility that some of your loved ones may not be there” For the engagement party/surprise wedding she produced, there was a risk that some guests may have decided that they couldn’t travel to both the engagement and wedding, meaning they might have opted out of the engagement party.
She says, “Then you have to decide whether you will tell them they need to be there — and if they can hold the surprise. Also with a shorter lead time, some people have already made plans.”
You can keep a secret
Ally Prince, Owner of Social Revelry, says, “It’s all about the personalities. You have to be someone who can keep a secret first and foremost.” She shares of the Halloween party/surprise wedding she planned for Jessica and Randy: “When they called me, it was about three weeks before their annual Halloween party and Jessica said ‘We want to get married during it.’ And it suited them perfectly.”
photographer: James Atkins Photography | venues: Private Rooftop & The Art Institute of Chicago
This engagement-party-turned-surprise-wedding from Rachel De Marte Events featured a glamorous rooftop, guests clad in all-white, a pup ring bearer, and one more surprise — a performance by singer Jason Derulo. SEE MORE PHOTOS
Who should you let in on the plan?
The fewer people who know, the better
Prince of Social Revelry says, “We keep a very tight circle. I recommend it just stay between the planning staff and the couple so we can limit who knows about our surprise and give the guests the best reveal. The moment is so worth the secret.”
Whittington of Ann Whittington Events adds, “The fewer people who know, the better it is. Many people cannot keep a secret. I would suggest a couple only tell their parents.” For the engagement party/wedding she planned, she shares, “Even the grandparents and siblings did not know — and you can tell that in the pictures.”
But key people need to be informed
Boskoff of Neon River Weddings says, “Firstly, tell someone that can keep a secret! It could be a family member, plus a friend — those that you can see having a vital role in the planning process or day-of deception!”
DeMarte, of Rachel De Marte Events, says, “For a successful surprise, key people must be in the know. For example, the couple’s parents, select members of the wedding party, officiant, photographer, musicians — all key vendors, for all key moments. Think about what a key moment the surprise is, let alone the actual ceremony and celebration!”
photographer: Scott Clark Photo & Jules Slütsky | wedding design: Neon River Weddings | floral: Designs by Ahn | venue: Private Residence
Guests arrived at a 40th-birthday party and ended up at a surprise wedding produced by Neon River Weddings; the celebration wowed with a blush and blue palette, branded fare, and spur-of-the-moment meaningful toasts. SEE MORE PHOTOS
How can you ensure that your most important guests will attend?
Invite guests in a formal way
Boskoff says, “This could be a tricky one. To get them to attend, and to dress for the occasion, could be a challenge in itself if they don’t know it’s a wedding — especially for those who would need to travel. If there is a big milestone that you are celebrating, and you create a more formal invite, that could help those on the fence to decide.
She adds, “You always have the option of letting someone very important to you in on the secret if they are leaning towards not being able to attend, as I’m sure they would feel awful if they found out after the fact! Keeping it small could also help with managing your expectation of RSVPs.”
Draw guests in with a “can’t-miss” event
Prince recommends that you consider what type of event you will invite guests to. She says, “It’s important to make it a notable event. For instance, this one was their annual Halloween party that everyone comes to, so it was easy to get everyone excited about it and to attend. I suggest making it an event with a theme — something guests won’t second-guess when they get an invite.”
Create a compelling storyline to lend gravity
De Marte says, “The storyline you share with people is key. For example, perhaps you are throwing an ‘engagement party’ and plan to have a small intimate destination wedding as the cover story. This puts urgency on attending as there wouldn’t be another celebration. The narrative we tell is paramount for a successful surprise.” The consequence of missing out is a powerful driver.
Promise a “special moment” for your most important guests
Whittington says, “If a VIP declines, you have to decide if you want to tell them; it may risk the surprise. You could also tell them you want them to give a toast at the event.” She notes that since the pandemic, the response rate for events has gone up. “I think guests now really appreciate being included in a festive occasion and make more of an effort to attend any event.”
photographer: Kristin Morris | event planner: Social Revelry | florals: Botanica International Design Studio | venue: Private Residence
This surprise wedding from Social Revelry unfolded against the backdrop of a Halloween party — which meant guests got to delight in the sight of the bride’s father dressed as Thor walking her down a fog-lined aisle. SEE MORE PHOTOS
What is the best way to reveal that the event is actually your wedding?
First, create a joyful vibe with a cocktail hour
De Marte says, “I just love doing a cocktail hour first (regardless of a surprise factor or not). When you arrive to a cocktail hour, guests are greeted with food and beverage, creating an enjoyable experience out of the gate. Revealing a ceremony from there simply takes it over the top. Again, this applies to a non-surprise scenario as well. Happy guests happily sit down quickly!”
Boskoff agrees, saying, “If you want guests to be on their toes and build that excitement, you can have the cocktail hour first, and then move everyone over to a different area where the ceremony will be held. And remember, it’s okay if guests start to guess what’s happening. Your big day will still feel like a surprise!”
Or launch right into the ceremony upon arrival
Boskoff offers an alternative to the cocktail-party-to-wedding transition: just launching right into the wedding from the beginning. She says, “The ceremony will be a dead giveaway! If you want to get the surprise over with, you can have guests walk right into the ceremony. We can guarantee that a few jaws will drop!”
Consider a meaningful toast that ends in the reveal
Whittington says she is partial to the reveal of the surprise wedding that she planned, which was a toast that led into the surprise. She says, “The father of the groom gave a toast — after a video montage of the couple’s lives from birth to now — then said, ‘We are having the wedding now, go to the next room for the ceremony.’ The bride had already left to change into a wedding dress. No one was expecting this announcement.”
Build suspense and awe with a dramatic moment
Prince says that she likes “a musical moment or dramatic moment” — a shift in the gathering that gets everyone’s attention. For the surprise wedding that she planned, Prince shares, “We used low-lying fog to fill the floor and had a shift in the tone of the music at the perfectly-planned moment when the groom stepped on the stage and the gate opened for the couple’s kids to walk down the aisle. Everyone got it immediately, and the excitement of the event was so amazing!”
People Also Ask…
How can I plan a surprise wedding?
We strongly recommend that you start by hiring a wedding planner. Your planner can help you with every important decision, from choosing a venue to deciding who to tell about your big surprise.
Our panel of expert planners below is a great place to start as they’ve all successfully produced epic surprise weddings. They know about everything from the invitations to the reveal.
You can also use PartySlate’s vendor directory to find a skilled event planner near you. You can filter by services offered and more to narrow down your search. Then visit each planner’s PartySlate profile to see real events that they’ve curated, as well as venues they’ve worked in and the vendors they’ve worked with.
Consider our expert planner panel
Ann Whittington
Ann Whittington Events
Houston, Texas
Jessica Boskoff
Neon River Weddings
New York, New York
Rachel De Marte
Rachel De Marte Events
Chicago, Illinois
Ally Prince
Social Revelry
Tampa, Florida
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